We have received another assignment last night. We are split into 2 groups, boys vs. girls. and each team is to read a 250pages+ book and write a 40 page report, a page of how we handled the week and a multimedia presentation. All due at9am Friday morning. Before we found out this assignment, we had been given a 20page assignment due Friday night at 12:00am and an exam at 9am Friday morning. Last night I stayed up til 3:30am to do my 20 page assignment. I was supposed to read the book after my team member was done...but I was knocked out by 3:30...
I am exhausted already. Lord help me through.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Spending time with Him
It's so easy to just slip away in the busyness of this week. Each morning we have about an hour of quiet time to spend time with God and to read His word. It's not a rule that we do so, but in the schedule that hour has been set out for this purpose. Even if i don't do read my bible or spend time with God no one would know. This morning was my struggle, but also a revelation. As I walked back to my room from breakfast, I started thinking about my assignment and my exam and thought I will spend that hour to do some work and or studying. I was planning out which part of the assignment I should do first or which part of the studying I should do. As I sat down to begin, I felt God was telling me to just be still. Then it hit me. I have been so busy last week as a cooking leader that I had spent less time with Him. I did it out because I was supposed to. This morning I almost let the busyness take hold of me again. God is looking for my spending time with Him. He wants me. Of course it is necessary to do well in my assignment and what not, but He is more interested in me. I believe I have made the right choice this morning to just lay down everything and spend time with Him first. I trust that He will multiple my time and I would be able to draw strength from Him for the rest of the day.
We were talking about the fear of the Lord on Saturday, how fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. As I read colossians 2 this morning, this spoke to me. "in Him lie hidden all the treasure of wisdom and knowledge" -Colossians 2:1. I claim that for my week.
Fear (of God): "Yir'ah" - respect, reverence, piety revered
We were talking about the fear of the Lord on Saturday, how fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. As I read colossians 2 this morning, this spoke to me. "in Him lie hidden all the treasure of wisdom and knowledge" -Colossians 2:1. I claim that for my week.
Fear (of God): "Yir'ah" - respect, reverence, piety revered
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
One thing I am constantly learning to do here at YOT is to not worry about the future. I have began to lay that down bits by bits. Whenever we ask the leader what we are going to do next, they will always give us this respond, "Don't worry about it. Just embrace it and enjoy it." I am not saying I don't have goals or visions anymore, I still do. When the vision is unclear, the cost is always too much. I don't want my cost is too much. But I definitely don't want my uncertainty about the future to distract me from embracing everything I do right now. Thinking back to the orientation week, I loved how the leaders took all of our watches and phones and live life not in the restriction of time. I felt like I was able to really "live life" unconditionally. It was beautiful.
It's also really neat that we are reminding each other of what we say. Whenever someone says something that is negative, someone will speak up and say something like "watch your mouth" or "don't say that". We bring correction into each other's lives and being true brother's keepers. I still have tons to learn, but I am glad I have all these friends who genuinely wants to see each of us mature. It amazes me how this is possible
It's also really neat that we are reminding each other of what we say. Whenever someone says something that is negative, someone will speak up and say something like "watch your mouth" or "don't say that". We bring correction into each other's lives and being true brother's keepers. I still have tons to learn, but I am glad I have all these friends who genuinely wants to see each of us mature. It amazes me how this is possible
Sunday, September 28, 2008
laying it down
I think about you everyday, and there would be times where I'd miss you. But for most of the time, I thank God for taking the heart gripping feelings away. I think I am beginning to learn to trust in Him in this. There is only so much I can do. But when I read your blog just now, my heart gripped...yet at the same time I was thinking that whatever needs to happen will happen. My faith is in Him.
I have not to not think about so much ahead in the future, but taking a step each day. Whenever I feel like I want to think about the "what ifs", i will remind myself of the verse from 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind". Fear is a spirit and it can be rejected in my life. I have also learned that as I let go of things, it will give Him room to operate. Whatever He does will be the best for me.
I guess the 2 week of orientation have really changed my thinking pattern. Some of the things we do were quite...radical in a way, but at the same time it's because we were pushed beyond the limits and boundaries we have set for ourselves that we are able to break free.
At the end of the orientation, we were at a cliff by the sea. It was a significant moment for me. At the beginning of the orientation, we were given a set of dog tags with our names on them. Mike explained that when the soldiers go to battle, each of them are given these dog tags with their number on it. When the soldier dies, one of the tag will be shoved down his throat so that when they transport the bodies, they will be able to identify them. The other dog tag is sent to the soldier's family. So each of us were given the opportunity to pray, and time to think about how our life was like. Then each of us were able to share with the leaders and throw one of the dog tags down the cliff, signifying we have died to our old self. "For I have been crucified with Christ. It is no long I who live but Christ who lives in me. The life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith through the son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me" - Galatians 2:20. I still wear my other dog tag. It reminds me that I am no longer myself anymore, but it is Christ who lives in me. I have given up my self will. What I want needs to be what He wants. I am still in the process of learning how to do that. But i pray that as i continue to walk down this journey, I will be able to imitate Him and be perfect. He's asked us to be perfect just as our heavenly Father is perfect. I used to question whether that is possible, and I believe it does. I can be mature, fully grown, complete and lacking nothing. My heart will be complete, my character will be mature, I will be fully grown spiritually and my life will lack nothing.
I pray that God will touch your life significantly as well. Focus on Him.
I have not to not think about so much ahead in the future, but taking a step each day. Whenever I feel like I want to think about the "what ifs", i will remind myself of the verse from 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind". Fear is a spirit and it can be rejected in my life. I have also learned that as I let go of things, it will give Him room to operate. Whatever He does will be the best for me.
I guess the 2 week of orientation have really changed my thinking pattern. Some of the things we do were quite...radical in a way, but at the same time it's because we were pushed beyond the limits and boundaries we have set for ourselves that we are able to break free.
At the end of the orientation, we were at a cliff by the sea. It was a significant moment for me. At the beginning of the orientation, we were given a set of dog tags with our names on them. Mike explained that when the soldiers go to battle, each of them are given these dog tags with their number on it. When the soldier dies, one of the tag will be shoved down his throat so that when they transport the bodies, they will be able to identify them. The other dog tag is sent to the soldier's family. So each of us were given the opportunity to pray, and time to think about how our life was like. Then each of us were able to share with the leaders and throw one of the dog tags down the cliff, signifying we have died to our old self. "For I have been crucified with Christ. It is no long I who live but Christ who lives in me. The life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith through the son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me" - Galatians 2:20. I still wear my other dog tag. It reminds me that I am no longer myself anymore, but it is Christ who lives in me. I have given up my self will. What I want needs to be what He wants. I am still in the process of learning how to do that. But i pray that as i continue to walk down this journey, I will be able to imitate Him and be perfect. He's asked us to be perfect just as our heavenly Father is perfect. I used to question whether that is possible, and I believe it does. I can be mature, fully grown, complete and lacking nothing. My heart will be complete, my character will be mature, I will be fully grown spiritually and my life will lack nothing.
I pray that God will touch your life significantly as well. Focus on Him.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
first post
it's been two and a half weeks since i left toronto, and i feel like i am still in vacation mode. Maidstone still doesn't feel like home yet. It feels like I am only here for a few weeks and I will be back soon...but reality is, I am going to be here for 10 months.
I'm liking this place so far. The people here are really nice and it's such a community. I think one thing I like most is I am away from the city, away from work or things that fights for my attention. The whole focus is learning to be with people and building myself up. Come to think about it, it is a gift to be able to do that...to be able to take out a year and just to build my character.
I was shopping the other day for some shampoo and all that...I find myself even more cautious with the money I am spending. Another good thing was as I was shopping, my friends would remind there are things I don't need to buy, that I can live without. It is kinda nice that we are looking out for one another like that already.
I feel like I've known these people for a long time. We already have a bond together, because we have been through so much together the last 2 weeks. We cried together, we were frustrated together, we laughed together, we acted all silly together. It's amazing how in just two weeks we have become like family already. Although there is a pretty huge age range difference (18- 37), but it doesn't seem to matter.
I need to go get ready for another exciting, beautiful yet rainy day. until next time!
I'm liking this place so far. The people here are really nice and it's such a community. I think one thing I like most is I am away from the city, away from work or things that fights for my attention. The whole focus is learning to be with people and building myself up. Come to think about it, it is a gift to be able to do that...to be able to take out a year and just to build my character.
I was shopping the other day for some shampoo and all that...I find myself even more cautious with the money I am spending. Another good thing was as I was shopping, my friends would remind there are things I don't need to buy, that I can live without. It is kinda nice that we are looking out for one another like that already.
I feel like I've known these people for a long time. We already have a bond together, because we have been through so much together the last 2 weeks. We cried together, we were frustrated together, we laughed together, we acted all silly together. It's amazing how in just two weeks we have become like family already. Although there is a pretty huge age range difference (18- 37), but it doesn't seem to matter.
I need to go get ready for another exciting, beautiful yet rainy day. until next time!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
change
in less than 3 weeks i will be on a plane going to england. i am excited that the change i have been praying for and wanting is going to take place very soon. i pray that this change will superceed any change i've ever had before. i want to be made perfect - complete, whole and lack of nothing. i desire to come back as a brand new person that is positive that is able to love unconditionally. All the wounds healed, all the brokenness mended.
you have worked with me, encouraged me for the longest time. finally we are reaching the goal, and we will be able to see that end result. u've been frustrated, upset with my countless time. i hope when i come back, u will be amazed by how much i have grown. i am going to work hard on my character for that one year specifically that it will be instill in me. The good character will just flow out naturally, from the inside out.
i don't know what will happen in a year. a lot of things can change, but a lot of things may stay the same. there are a lot of things i don't and won't have the control over. i need to believe that God knows what He is doing, and He is doing it for good. This is such a big step of faith...i've ever taken at this point. this step feels like a free fall. my family is no longer going to be there physically because of distance. i need to trust that He will take care of them. my career...i thot i had everything figured out...a great place to work at, that i can spend the rest of my life working at...is going to disappear. When i come back, will i be able to work at Anthem again? Will i be able to find a job? I don't know. It's in His hands. My ministry at church...will i still play the piano when i come back? what about my girls? I can't answer that. My relationship with you...what is going to happen? Will you still be there? Or will you only be my friend? A friend...usually the term friend brings a warm feeling, but not this time...it feels distant to hear that we may only be "friends". Do I want that? no. i want to keep what we have...but yet again, He is in control. I feel like in a flash, i am going to lose everything i hold so tightly to. i guess this is part of maturing - to be totally dependent on Him. I have so many questions...but i don't have an answer for any of them...i guess that's why it feels like a free fall. i need to trust that He is there at the bottom to catch me and lift me back up. I feel like in this free fall I can't grab a hold of anything, but I need to have faith. This is my first lesson.
...so i wait upon You now
with my hands released to You
with a little faith's enough
to see mountains lift and move
you have worked with me, encouraged me for the longest time. finally we are reaching the goal, and we will be able to see that end result. u've been frustrated, upset with my countless time. i hope when i come back, u will be amazed by how much i have grown. i am going to work hard on my character for that one year specifically that it will be instill in me. The good character will just flow out naturally, from the inside out.
i don't know what will happen in a year. a lot of things can change, but a lot of things may stay the same. there are a lot of things i don't and won't have the control over. i need to believe that God knows what He is doing, and He is doing it for good. This is such a big step of faith...i've ever taken at this point. this step feels like a free fall. my family is no longer going to be there physically because of distance. i need to trust that He will take care of them. my career...i thot i had everything figured out...a great place to work at, that i can spend the rest of my life working at...is going to disappear. When i come back, will i be able to work at Anthem again? Will i be able to find a job? I don't know. It's in His hands. My ministry at church...will i still play the piano when i come back? what about my girls? I can't answer that. My relationship with you...what is going to happen? Will you still be there? Or will you only be my friend? A friend...usually the term friend brings a warm feeling, but not this time...it feels distant to hear that we may only be "friends". Do I want that? no. i want to keep what we have...but yet again, He is in control. I feel like in a flash, i am going to lose everything i hold so tightly to. i guess this is part of maturing - to be totally dependent on Him. I have so many questions...but i don't have an answer for any of them...i guess that's why it feels like a free fall. i need to trust that He is there at the bottom to catch me and lift me back up. I feel like in this free fall I can't grab a hold of anything, but I need to have faith. This is my first lesson.
...so i wait upon You now
with my hands released to You
with a little faith's enough
to see mountains lift and move
Monday, August 4, 2008
a long week?
it seems like it will be a really busy week this week. I don't know how it's going to be like. It feels like there are commitments on both ends - church and work. I don't know how it will work out. Hopefully I will be able to finish as much as I can at work, and not have to OT, otherwise I won't be late for the trainings. I guess I will take it as it comes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)