I believe God is putting me through a season of testing in faith/trust in Him. Ever since the first move I made to come here is faith, trusting that He will bring it through. I need to learn to trust Him about situations in my life. Thinking back to cooking team week. God has shown me a His faithfulness in a tangible way. I needed that. Why? Because I believe He wants me to see that I can trust Him even with the smallest things. Lately I have been having a lot thoughts about you, about the future, about things that might happen, might not happen. I was reminded this morning in my devotion to trust in Him. "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." -Prov 3:5-6. I need to just lay it all at His feet and stop taking it back into my own hands, trying to understand it and solve it with my head. Like with the faith meal, how did God provide? It almost sounds insane to not cook and expect Him to. But He came through, not just once, but twice. I need to have the same attitude for the situations in my life right now. He will not only do it once, but twice. All I have to do is to trust in Him til the end because He will make it through for me. Not once, but twice.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
strong individuals
the leaders gave us some feedback to the presentation we had for the 40 page assignment. One of the feedback was they see the boys have their own strengths and weaknesses, but they cover each other as a team. As for the girl's feedback, they said we are a bunch of strong individuals, but we are individuals, not a team. That hit me hard.
I think back to the personal life. I've had many acquaintances, people I hung out with at school. I was never really a loner. But am I lonely? yes i am. thinking back to grade 4 when i moved to canada, i had no strings attached. i didn't really feel sad not being able to see my friends. even now, when i am here in UK. can i say i am sad that i don't see them? no. i think God is showing me in this area i need healing. i have no clue why i am like this. when people ask me if i have any close friends. I'd have to think really hard most of the time. Coz the thing is, i don't really have any. Sometimes when i get too close to a girlfriend, i would start withdrawing myself. I need God to heal me in this area, otherwise I will not know what it means to be around people, be loved by people and love people.
i have been thinking about you. i understand why God has brought me here, and understand that prolly if i didn't come here, we wouldn't be where we are at now spiritually. At the same time i don't understand why is it only now do i start to feel that you love me for who i am. it is only now i feel that u appreciate me for who i am. i am glad that u love me...but we are miles apart and my heart is not free to love u back the way i used to. if i was still the same karen before, i would want to just be with u. but rite now, i can't. i have a road to walk down. it hurts me inside. i had wish so hard that u would be the one i'd spend the rest of my life with. but rite now, i don't know where God is taking me. i can't make those promises anymore, and it hurts. do u know how much i loved u?
I think back to the personal life. I've had many acquaintances, people I hung out with at school. I was never really a loner. But am I lonely? yes i am. thinking back to grade 4 when i moved to canada, i had no strings attached. i didn't really feel sad not being able to see my friends. even now, when i am here in UK. can i say i am sad that i don't see them? no. i think God is showing me in this area i need healing. i have no clue why i am like this. when people ask me if i have any close friends. I'd have to think really hard most of the time. Coz the thing is, i don't really have any. Sometimes when i get too close to a girlfriend, i would start withdrawing myself. I need God to heal me in this area, otherwise I will not know what it means to be around people, be loved by people and love people.
i have been thinking about you. i understand why God has brought me here, and understand that prolly if i didn't come here, we wouldn't be where we are at now spiritually. At the same time i don't understand why is it only now do i start to feel that you love me for who i am. it is only now i feel that u appreciate me for who i am. i am glad that u love me...but we are miles apart and my heart is not free to love u back the way i used to. if i was still the same karen before, i would want to just be with u. but rite now, i can't. i have a road to walk down. it hurts me inside. i had wish so hard that u would be the one i'd spend the rest of my life with. but rite now, i don't know where God is taking me. i can't make those promises anymore, and it hurts. do u know how much i loved u?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
cooking week
Each week, we have different duties around the house. Last week I was the cooking leader, meaning I was responsible for coming up with the menu for the week for everyone, come up with a week of groceries list, and of course cook every meal. I was the cooking leader with 3 other cooking team members. I was really excited about this...but at the same time it was quite stressful and busy.
I was asked to come up with the menu on Sunday night at around 10:30, and a meeting at 12:30am. I prolly didn't start the menu until 1, 1:30am that morning. I had to do it right away because I had to have to it done by 10 the next morning. As I was doing the menu, I was working on the shopping list as well. I ended up sleeping at 3:30am that morning.
In one of the meals, i had it as "faith meal", which means for that meal, we are not going to cook, but pray that God will somehow provide the meal for that night.
Through out the week, God blessed us with different things everyday. On Sunday, someone has blessed us with a box of fruits. We didn't have to buy fruits for our fruit salad! then the next day, someone blessed up with dinner rolls and salad dressing. We were able to have those with one of our salads. then the next day, someone blessed us with chopsticks for the chinese meal for one of the nights. then the next day, more fruits! God's been providing all these extraaa food for us that week. it was amazing to see the blessing flowing through
As the cooking team shared with the whole group on Wednesday night, they were really excited, and we were praying that God would provide pizza. When Friday arrived, we were all in the lounge praying before dinner time, that God would really provide for us that night. Our praying time turned into a fun, loud family singing and dancing time, declaring God is faith, He will show us a miracle. During the whole time, we kept looking out the window to see if a pizza guy would come. As time was ticking away, I prayed more desperately in my heart. "God You are faithful and You will bring it through. Even if there is no pizza tonight, we know You are still a faithful God". Guess what? just 15 mins before we had to head out to lectures that night, a pizza guy dropped off some pizza! I was so excited I nearly cried. There was all the kind of pizza we prayed for.
Now, that was pizza blessing part 1. Here is pizza part 2. On tuesday, we were at this lady's bridal shop painting for her. Guess what she got us for lunch. That's right! PIZZA! ALL THE KINDS WE ASKED FOR FROM BEFORE PLUS CHICKEN WINGS. How cool is that?
Through this experience, it really has increased my faith. It's really seeing God working the miracles. This cooking team leader experience is probably something I will never forget, and it is such a good testimony of faith.
I was asked to come up with the menu on Sunday night at around 10:30, and a meeting at 12:30am. I prolly didn't start the menu until 1, 1:30am that morning. I had to do it right away because I had to have to it done by 10 the next morning. As I was doing the menu, I was working on the shopping list as well. I ended up sleeping at 3:30am that morning.
In one of the meals, i had it as "faith meal", which means for that meal, we are not going to cook, but pray that God will somehow provide the meal for that night.
Through out the week, God blessed us with different things everyday. On Sunday, someone has blessed us with a box of fruits. We didn't have to buy fruits for our fruit salad! then the next day, someone blessed up with dinner rolls and salad dressing. We were able to have those with one of our salads. then the next day, someone blessed us with chopsticks for the chinese meal for one of the nights. then the next day, more fruits! God's been providing all these extraaa food for us that week. it was amazing to see the blessing flowing through
As the cooking team shared with the whole group on Wednesday night, they were really excited, and we were praying that God would provide pizza. When Friday arrived, we were all in the lounge praying before dinner time, that God would really provide for us that night. Our praying time turned into a fun, loud family singing and dancing time, declaring God is faith, He will show us a miracle. During the whole time, we kept looking out the window to see if a pizza guy would come. As time was ticking away, I prayed more desperately in my heart. "God You are faithful and You will bring it through. Even if there is no pizza tonight, we know You are still a faithful God". Guess what? just 15 mins before we had to head out to lectures that night, a pizza guy dropped off some pizza! I was so excited I nearly cried. There was all the kind of pizza we prayed for.
Now, that was pizza blessing part 1. Here is pizza part 2. On tuesday, we were at this lady's bridal shop painting for her. Guess what she got us for lunch. That's right! PIZZA! ALL THE KINDS WE ASKED FOR FROM BEFORE PLUS CHICKEN WINGS. How cool is that?
Through this experience, it really has increased my faith. It's really seeing God working the miracles. This cooking team leader experience is probably something I will never forget, and it is such a good testimony of faith.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
a long night
We have received another assignment last night. We are split into 2 groups, boys vs. girls. and each team is to read a 250pages+ book and write a 40 page report, a page of how we handled the week and a multimedia presentation. All due at9am Friday morning. Before we found out this assignment, we had been given a 20page assignment due Friday night at 12:00am and an exam at 9am Friday morning. Last night I stayed up til 3:30am to do my 20 page assignment. I was supposed to read the book after my team member was done...but I was knocked out by 3:30...
I am exhausted already. Lord help me through.
I am exhausted already. Lord help me through.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Spending time with Him
It's so easy to just slip away in the busyness of this week. Each morning we have about an hour of quiet time to spend time with God and to read His word. It's not a rule that we do so, but in the schedule that hour has been set out for this purpose. Even if i don't do read my bible or spend time with God no one would know. This morning was my struggle, but also a revelation. As I walked back to my room from breakfast, I started thinking about my assignment and my exam and thought I will spend that hour to do some work and or studying. I was planning out which part of the assignment I should do first or which part of the studying I should do. As I sat down to begin, I felt God was telling me to just be still. Then it hit me. I have been so busy last week as a cooking leader that I had spent less time with Him. I did it out because I was supposed to. This morning I almost let the busyness take hold of me again. God is looking for my spending time with Him. He wants me. Of course it is necessary to do well in my assignment and what not, but He is more interested in me. I believe I have made the right choice this morning to just lay down everything and spend time with Him first. I trust that He will multiple my time and I would be able to draw strength from Him for the rest of the day.
We were talking about the fear of the Lord on Saturday, how fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. As I read colossians 2 this morning, this spoke to me. "in Him lie hidden all the treasure of wisdom and knowledge" -Colossians 2:1. I claim that for my week.
Fear (of God): "Yir'ah" - respect, reverence, piety revered
We were talking about the fear of the Lord on Saturday, how fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. As I read colossians 2 this morning, this spoke to me. "in Him lie hidden all the treasure of wisdom and knowledge" -Colossians 2:1. I claim that for my week.
Fear (of God): "Yir'ah" - respect, reverence, piety revered
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
One thing I am constantly learning to do here at YOT is to not worry about the future. I have began to lay that down bits by bits. Whenever we ask the leader what we are going to do next, they will always give us this respond, "Don't worry about it. Just embrace it and enjoy it." I am not saying I don't have goals or visions anymore, I still do. When the vision is unclear, the cost is always too much. I don't want my cost is too much. But I definitely don't want my uncertainty about the future to distract me from embracing everything I do right now. Thinking back to the orientation week, I loved how the leaders took all of our watches and phones and live life not in the restriction of time. I felt like I was able to really "live life" unconditionally. It was beautiful.
It's also really neat that we are reminding each other of what we say. Whenever someone says something that is negative, someone will speak up and say something like "watch your mouth" or "don't say that". We bring correction into each other's lives and being true brother's keepers. I still have tons to learn, but I am glad I have all these friends who genuinely wants to see each of us mature. It amazes me how this is possible
It's also really neat that we are reminding each other of what we say. Whenever someone says something that is negative, someone will speak up and say something like "watch your mouth" or "don't say that". We bring correction into each other's lives and being true brother's keepers. I still have tons to learn, but I am glad I have all these friends who genuinely wants to see each of us mature. It amazes me how this is possible
Sunday, September 28, 2008
laying it down
I think about you everyday, and there would be times where I'd miss you. But for most of the time, I thank God for taking the heart gripping feelings away. I think I am beginning to learn to trust in Him in this. There is only so much I can do. But when I read your blog just now, my heart gripped...yet at the same time I was thinking that whatever needs to happen will happen. My faith is in Him.
I have not to not think about so much ahead in the future, but taking a step each day. Whenever I feel like I want to think about the "what ifs", i will remind myself of the verse from 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind". Fear is a spirit and it can be rejected in my life. I have also learned that as I let go of things, it will give Him room to operate. Whatever He does will be the best for me.
I guess the 2 week of orientation have really changed my thinking pattern. Some of the things we do were quite...radical in a way, but at the same time it's because we were pushed beyond the limits and boundaries we have set for ourselves that we are able to break free.
At the end of the orientation, we were at a cliff by the sea. It was a significant moment for me. At the beginning of the orientation, we were given a set of dog tags with our names on them. Mike explained that when the soldiers go to battle, each of them are given these dog tags with their number on it. When the soldier dies, one of the tag will be shoved down his throat so that when they transport the bodies, they will be able to identify them. The other dog tag is sent to the soldier's family. So each of us were given the opportunity to pray, and time to think about how our life was like. Then each of us were able to share with the leaders and throw one of the dog tags down the cliff, signifying we have died to our old self. "For I have been crucified with Christ. It is no long I who live but Christ who lives in me. The life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith through the son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me" - Galatians 2:20. I still wear my other dog tag. It reminds me that I am no longer myself anymore, but it is Christ who lives in me. I have given up my self will. What I want needs to be what He wants. I am still in the process of learning how to do that. But i pray that as i continue to walk down this journey, I will be able to imitate Him and be perfect. He's asked us to be perfect just as our heavenly Father is perfect. I used to question whether that is possible, and I believe it does. I can be mature, fully grown, complete and lacking nothing. My heart will be complete, my character will be mature, I will be fully grown spiritually and my life will lack nothing.
I pray that God will touch your life significantly as well. Focus on Him.
I have not to not think about so much ahead in the future, but taking a step each day. Whenever I feel like I want to think about the "what ifs", i will remind myself of the verse from 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind". Fear is a spirit and it can be rejected in my life. I have also learned that as I let go of things, it will give Him room to operate. Whatever He does will be the best for me.
I guess the 2 week of orientation have really changed my thinking pattern. Some of the things we do were quite...radical in a way, but at the same time it's because we were pushed beyond the limits and boundaries we have set for ourselves that we are able to break free.
At the end of the orientation, we were at a cliff by the sea. It was a significant moment for me. At the beginning of the orientation, we were given a set of dog tags with our names on them. Mike explained that when the soldiers go to battle, each of them are given these dog tags with their number on it. When the soldier dies, one of the tag will be shoved down his throat so that when they transport the bodies, they will be able to identify them. The other dog tag is sent to the soldier's family. So each of us were given the opportunity to pray, and time to think about how our life was like. Then each of us were able to share with the leaders and throw one of the dog tags down the cliff, signifying we have died to our old self. "For I have been crucified with Christ. It is no long I who live but Christ who lives in me. The life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith through the son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me" - Galatians 2:20. I still wear my other dog tag. It reminds me that I am no longer myself anymore, but it is Christ who lives in me. I have given up my self will. What I want needs to be what He wants. I am still in the process of learning how to do that. But i pray that as i continue to walk down this journey, I will be able to imitate Him and be perfect. He's asked us to be perfect just as our heavenly Father is perfect. I used to question whether that is possible, and I believe it does. I can be mature, fully grown, complete and lacking nothing. My heart will be complete, my character will be mature, I will be fully grown spiritually and my life will lack nothing.
I pray that God will touch your life significantly as well. Focus on Him.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
first post
it's been two and a half weeks since i left toronto, and i feel like i am still in vacation mode. Maidstone still doesn't feel like home yet. It feels like I am only here for a few weeks and I will be back soon...but reality is, I am going to be here for 10 months.
I'm liking this place so far. The people here are really nice and it's such a community. I think one thing I like most is I am away from the city, away from work or things that fights for my attention. The whole focus is learning to be with people and building myself up. Come to think about it, it is a gift to be able to do that...to be able to take out a year and just to build my character.
I was shopping the other day for some shampoo and all that...I find myself even more cautious with the money I am spending. Another good thing was as I was shopping, my friends would remind there are things I don't need to buy, that I can live without. It is kinda nice that we are looking out for one another like that already.
I feel like I've known these people for a long time. We already have a bond together, because we have been through so much together the last 2 weeks. We cried together, we were frustrated together, we laughed together, we acted all silly together. It's amazing how in just two weeks we have become like family already. Although there is a pretty huge age range difference (18- 37), but it doesn't seem to matter.
I need to go get ready for another exciting, beautiful yet rainy day. until next time!
I'm liking this place so far. The people here are really nice and it's such a community. I think one thing I like most is I am away from the city, away from work or things that fights for my attention. The whole focus is learning to be with people and building myself up. Come to think about it, it is a gift to be able to do that...to be able to take out a year and just to build my character.
I was shopping the other day for some shampoo and all that...I find myself even more cautious with the money I am spending. Another good thing was as I was shopping, my friends would remind there are things I don't need to buy, that I can live without. It is kinda nice that we are looking out for one another like that already.
I feel like I've known these people for a long time. We already have a bond together, because we have been through so much together the last 2 weeks. We cried together, we were frustrated together, we laughed together, we acted all silly together. It's amazing how in just two weeks we have become like family already. Although there is a pretty huge age range difference (18- 37), but it doesn't seem to matter.
I need to go get ready for another exciting, beautiful yet rainy day. until next time!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
change
in less than 3 weeks i will be on a plane going to england. i am excited that the change i have been praying for and wanting is going to take place very soon. i pray that this change will superceed any change i've ever had before. i want to be made perfect - complete, whole and lack of nothing. i desire to come back as a brand new person that is positive that is able to love unconditionally. All the wounds healed, all the brokenness mended.
you have worked with me, encouraged me for the longest time. finally we are reaching the goal, and we will be able to see that end result. u've been frustrated, upset with my countless time. i hope when i come back, u will be amazed by how much i have grown. i am going to work hard on my character for that one year specifically that it will be instill in me. The good character will just flow out naturally, from the inside out.
i don't know what will happen in a year. a lot of things can change, but a lot of things may stay the same. there are a lot of things i don't and won't have the control over. i need to believe that God knows what He is doing, and He is doing it for good. This is such a big step of faith...i've ever taken at this point. this step feels like a free fall. my family is no longer going to be there physically because of distance. i need to trust that He will take care of them. my career...i thot i had everything figured out...a great place to work at, that i can spend the rest of my life working at...is going to disappear. When i come back, will i be able to work at Anthem again? Will i be able to find a job? I don't know. It's in His hands. My ministry at church...will i still play the piano when i come back? what about my girls? I can't answer that. My relationship with you...what is going to happen? Will you still be there? Or will you only be my friend? A friend...usually the term friend brings a warm feeling, but not this time...it feels distant to hear that we may only be "friends". Do I want that? no. i want to keep what we have...but yet again, He is in control. I feel like in a flash, i am going to lose everything i hold so tightly to. i guess this is part of maturing - to be totally dependent on Him. I have so many questions...but i don't have an answer for any of them...i guess that's why it feels like a free fall. i need to trust that He is there at the bottom to catch me and lift me back up. I feel like in this free fall I can't grab a hold of anything, but I need to have faith. This is my first lesson.
...so i wait upon You now
with my hands released to You
with a little faith's enough
to see mountains lift and move
you have worked with me, encouraged me for the longest time. finally we are reaching the goal, and we will be able to see that end result. u've been frustrated, upset with my countless time. i hope when i come back, u will be amazed by how much i have grown. i am going to work hard on my character for that one year specifically that it will be instill in me. The good character will just flow out naturally, from the inside out.
i don't know what will happen in a year. a lot of things can change, but a lot of things may stay the same. there are a lot of things i don't and won't have the control over. i need to believe that God knows what He is doing, and He is doing it for good. This is such a big step of faith...i've ever taken at this point. this step feels like a free fall. my family is no longer going to be there physically because of distance. i need to trust that He will take care of them. my career...i thot i had everything figured out...a great place to work at, that i can spend the rest of my life working at...is going to disappear. When i come back, will i be able to work at Anthem again? Will i be able to find a job? I don't know. It's in His hands. My ministry at church...will i still play the piano when i come back? what about my girls? I can't answer that. My relationship with you...what is going to happen? Will you still be there? Or will you only be my friend? A friend...usually the term friend brings a warm feeling, but not this time...it feels distant to hear that we may only be "friends". Do I want that? no. i want to keep what we have...but yet again, He is in control. I feel like in a flash, i am going to lose everything i hold so tightly to. i guess this is part of maturing - to be totally dependent on Him. I have so many questions...but i don't have an answer for any of them...i guess that's why it feels like a free fall. i need to trust that He is there at the bottom to catch me and lift me back up. I feel like in this free fall I can't grab a hold of anything, but I need to have faith. This is my first lesson.
...so i wait upon You now
with my hands released to You
with a little faith's enough
to see mountains lift and move
Monday, August 4, 2008
a long week?
it seems like it will be a really busy week this week. I don't know how it's going to be like. It feels like there are commitments on both ends - church and work. I don't know how it will work out. Hopefully I will be able to finish as much as I can at work, and not have to OT, otherwise I won't be late for the trainings. I guess I will take it as it comes.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
my journey - graphic design (part 2)
Lets back track to the Christmas prior to the YC conference. During the Christmas Holiday, I had the idea of designing a graphic T-shirt for everyone as a gift. I had the idea, but it didn't progress to the final product for various reasons and that idea didn't become a reality....until....
Soon after the conference, my youth pastor came up to me and started talking about BBC, and asked me if I could design the t-shirt for that year's conference. I was quite shock because that was what I wanted to do, but this was even more exciting because it was for a conference, not just our church. From there onwards, I had become CPC's graphic designer. From there, was able to gain a lot of experience doing "real" work. School work was good, but something on the side like this really built my confidence and allowed me to serve my God with the gifting He has given me.
Ever since that conference, I did quite well in school. I gave it my all and trusted God instead of second guessing. Close to the end of second year of university, I met Sam. He was one of the worship assistance at church. It turned out that he works at a graphic design firm called Anthem. I asked if they hire any students to do part-time. He said usually they don't, but he could give in a try and gave my resume to the creative director. I didn't have high hopes for it, but I thought why not just give it a try. I didn't hear from until at the end of the summer, I received a phone call and asked if I would be interested to go in for an interview. I told that lady that I have to go back to school, and she said that's okay, maybe when you are done school. That was the end of our conversation. Although I didn't get into Anthem or even went for an interview, I kept that company name in the back of my head.
During the third year of my program, we had to finish an internship placement at the end of the year. We had to get into groups and interview a design company as well. When we were discussing where we should go for the interview, I suggested Anthem. To my surprise, everyone was cool with it, and guess what? Anthem was cool with it as well. We had a pretty good interview with them and I believe we made a good impression. Finally, we had to all look for firms where they would accept us as an intern. With no doubt, I thought of Anthem. With no complications, they hired me and I was working for them right the term ended. I was only supposed to be there for a 2 or weeks to fulfill the requirements of the the degree, but I wanted to gain more experience so I asked if I could stay for the rest of the summer. I must say it was God's intervention and God's grace, they said yes almost right away. During that season I thought I was dreaming. Everything was going so smoothly like it was all planned out for me. Well, now that I think about it now, God planned it all out for me. He makes my path straight.
At the end of the summer, I didn't want to go back to school for my last year of university. I was having so much fun and was gaining so much more experience. I learned so much in those few months that surpassed all the knowledge I learned in university for those 3 years. I loved the place but I had to go back to school. They didn't want me to go either, but I had to. It was a sad good-bye. The studio manager asked me to leave my school schedule with her so I could call me up and do some freelancing while I am at school. From what I know, normally they don't do that. They would not hire a student freelance to work for them like that. It wasn't really a good-bye after all. I occasionally would freelance for them, and during Christmas, I had a whole month off from school and I worked for them that entire month. It was like I never left the company. I thought it was too good to be true. I couldn't believe it.
At the end of fourth year, I had my design show and I invited Anthem to this gala. The studio manager made a point that she will show up at my show. The show goes on for a few days, and there is a day where is dedicated for the designers from the industry to come and view our work. Some people would get hired on the spot. Obviously we all worked very hard for that day in the hopes of getting hired. On that day, the studio manager came, as she promised. She was one of the first people that came to the show. She told me she made sure she came and get a hold of me because she didn't want me to work for other companies. She asked me to go back to Anthem to work for them. Obviously I was DELIGHTED! I couldn't be more blessed. I couldn't believe everything was working out so well. I pray that as I continue on this path, He will continue to guide me and show me more exciting things :)
Soon after the conference, my youth pastor came up to me and started talking about BBC, and asked me if I could design the t-shirt for that year's conference. I was quite shock because that was what I wanted to do, but this was even more exciting because it was for a conference, not just our church. From there onwards, I had become CPC's graphic designer. From there, was able to gain a lot of experience doing "real" work. School work was good, but something on the side like this really built my confidence and allowed me to serve my God with the gifting He has given me.
Ever since that conference, I did quite well in school. I gave it my all and trusted God instead of second guessing. Close to the end of second year of university, I met Sam. He was one of the worship assistance at church. It turned out that he works at a graphic design firm called Anthem. I asked if they hire any students to do part-time. He said usually they don't, but he could give in a try and gave my resume to the creative director. I didn't have high hopes for it, but I thought why not just give it a try. I didn't hear from until at the end of the summer, I received a phone call and asked if I would be interested to go in for an interview. I told that lady that I have to go back to school, and she said that's okay, maybe when you are done school. That was the end of our conversation. Although I didn't get into Anthem or even went for an interview, I kept that company name in the back of my head.
During the third year of my program, we had to finish an internship placement at the end of the year. We had to get into groups and interview a design company as well. When we were discussing where we should go for the interview, I suggested Anthem. To my surprise, everyone was cool with it, and guess what? Anthem was cool with it as well. We had a pretty good interview with them and I believe we made a good impression. Finally, we had to all look for firms where they would accept us as an intern. With no doubt, I thought of Anthem. With no complications, they hired me and I was working for them right the term ended. I was only supposed to be there for a 2 or weeks to fulfill the requirements of the the degree, but I wanted to gain more experience so I asked if I could stay for the rest of the summer. I must say it was God's intervention and God's grace, they said yes almost right away. During that season I thought I was dreaming. Everything was going so smoothly like it was all planned out for me. Well, now that I think about it now, God planned it all out for me. He makes my path straight.
At the end of the summer, I didn't want to go back to school for my last year of university. I was having so much fun and was gaining so much more experience. I learned so much in those few months that surpassed all the knowledge I learned in university for those 3 years. I loved the place but I had to go back to school. They didn't want me to go either, but I had to. It was a sad good-bye. The studio manager asked me to leave my school schedule with her so I could call me up and do some freelancing while I am at school. From what I know, normally they don't do that. They would not hire a student freelance to work for them like that. It wasn't really a good-bye after all. I occasionally would freelance for them, and during Christmas, I had a whole month off from school and I worked for them that entire month. It was like I never left the company. I thought it was too good to be true. I couldn't believe it.
At the end of fourth year, I had my design show and I invited Anthem to this gala. The studio manager made a point that she will show up at my show. The show goes on for a few days, and there is a day where is dedicated for the designers from the industry to come and view our work. Some people would get hired on the spot. Obviously we all worked very hard for that day in the hopes of getting hired. On that day, the studio manager came, as she promised. She was one of the first people that came to the show. She told me she made sure she came and get a hold of me because she didn't want me to work for other companies. She asked me to go back to Anthem to work for them. Obviously I was DELIGHTED! I couldn't be more blessed. I couldn't believe everything was working out so well. I pray that as I continue on this path, He will continue to guide me and show me more exciting things :)
Friday, July 25, 2008
my journey - graphic design (part 1)
My story begins when I was a kid in Hong Kong, possibly grade 2 or 3. It was the moon festival and my father bought a traditional lantern for me. It was made out of "glass paper" in the shape of a horse. One evening, I took a piece of paper and a pencil and started drawing it. I can't remember why I wanted to draw it, but what I remember was my mother looked at my drawing and she was amazed, because it looked so similar to the lantern. Did I learn how to draw the horse from someone else or if i took drawing lessons? No. It may sound like it's just an ordinary drawing to most people, but I still remember that moment vividly. I believe, that's where my journey began.
Years gone by, and I fell in love with art. Not only in drawing and painting, but also in dancing, photography...I find joy in doing any of these things. During my last year of middle school, I began taking art lessons from a man whom my friend recommended. Soon after I started taking lessons, my mom suggested to apply for the art program, Claude Watson, in the high school I was going to. At that time, I didn't have any work that was presentable, let alone a portfolio. I worked really hard with my art teacher, but at the end, I didn't make it. It didn't really bother me because I knew I wasn't ready. The year after, I tried out again. I didn't make it either. I tried out for that program twice during the 4 year of high school. Guess what? I didn't make it. By the end, I must say I was a little discouraged. The last time I tried out for the program was when I was in grade 11. After the last attempt, I began to question whether I should really be going into art. I thought this was the path I should be taking, but it seemed like it wasn't working out or I wasn't good enough after all. Like every other grade 11 high school student, we had to start thinking about what career path to take, how I could get there, which university I should be studying...and so on. On one hand I was quite confused, but on the other I had a strong feeling that I should go into arts.
My mother was always very cautious about my marks, reason being I was extremely poor in science and math, it was so bad that I dropped science after grade 10 and spent at least 3 hours each week with my personal math tutor. I did all the questions in the textbook so that I'd be more prepared and have more practices, but when tests and quizzes came...either I fail it or get extremely low mark..barely passing. That eliminated a lot of different career fields.
When it was time to pick programs and universities, my mother made sure I picked everything I could possibly take, from social work, to early childhood education, education, to journalism, and of course to design. I ended up applying for close to 20 programs, just to be sure that I would get into "something". While all this was going on, struggling with my marks and applications, I spent months preparing my portfolio. At the end, to our surprise, I got into every program I applied for except for one. It was really God's grace. We were delighted but it was a problem as well...with that many program, which one do I pick? My mom really wanted me to go into education...but for myself, I knew design was right for me.
There was a lot of whispering, people talking behind my back after I had picked design. My grandma, my aunts, uncles thought it was a wrong choice, simply because it was art. They thought I wouldn't make a living out of it, nor would I be able to succeed. But thank God for my parents, they stood by me and believed in me.
I stepped into my first year at York/Sheridan design full of zeal, but soon after I realized how little did I know about design. I knew basically...nothing. I almost failed first year. Nothing was going well for me first year. I had so much trouble even though I worked extremely hard. I began to ask God if I had made a mistake. I knew I was supposed to be in design, but I was very shaken up that I needed a confirmation. I needed to know for sure without a doubt. I prayed extremely hard and God answered my prayer.
Every year, our church would go to a Youth conference in May. That year specifically I asked God to show me my destiny. I desperately needed to know. During the conference, one of the session talked about calling and destiny. I listened attentively to the speaker. At the end of his preaching, he prayed for people's calling and destiny. In my heart I told God, "Lord, this is it, You've GOT to tell me. Let me know what it is. I KNOW You are speaking to me." The pastor told us to pray as he speaks out different careers and positions and stand up if you know it's you. We bowed our hearts, and he started praying and prophesying. He started speaking out different work positions-doctors, missionaries, lawyers... As he named these positions, my heart pounded so fast, and I prayed desperately, "God, please say it..please...". Then all of a sudden the pastor said "graphic design". Without even thinking, I jumped up automatically, my whole body started sweating and tears came falling down like a waterfall. I will never forget that moment. I was so sure that that was it. I am called to be a graphic designer.
Ever since that day, everything changed. How did it change? Find out in my next blog :P That's when God paved the way for my career path...til this day, with opportunities, favors, and much more.
Years gone by, and I fell in love with art. Not only in drawing and painting, but also in dancing, photography...I find joy in doing any of these things. During my last year of middle school, I began taking art lessons from a man whom my friend recommended. Soon after I started taking lessons, my mom suggested to apply for the art program, Claude Watson, in the high school I was going to. At that time, I didn't have any work that was presentable, let alone a portfolio. I worked really hard with my art teacher, but at the end, I didn't make it. It didn't really bother me because I knew I wasn't ready. The year after, I tried out again. I didn't make it either. I tried out for that program twice during the 4 year of high school. Guess what? I didn't make it. By the end, I must say I was a little discouraged. The last time I tried out for the program was when I was in grade 11. After the last attempt, I began to question whether I should really be going into art. I thought this was the path I should be taking, but it seemed like it wasn't working out or I wasn't good enough after all. Like every other grade 11 high school student, we had to start thinking about what career path to take, how I could get there, which university I should be studying...and so on. On one hand I was quite confused, but on the other I had a strong feeling that I should go into arts.
My mother was always very cautious about my marks, reason being I was extremely poor in science and math, it was so bad that I dropped science after grade 10 and spent at least 3 hours each week with my personal math tutor. I did all the questions in the textbook so that I'd be more prepared and have more practices, but when tests and quizzes came...either I fail it or get extremely low mark..barely passing. That eliminated a lot of different career fields.
When it was time to pick programs and universities, my mother made sure I picked everything I could possibly take, from social work, to early childhood education, education, to journalism, and of course to design. I ended up applying for close to 20 programs, just to be sure that I would get into "something". While all this was going on, struggling with my marks and applications, I spent months preparing my portfolio. At the end, to our surprise, I got into every program I applied for except for one. It was really God's grace. We were delighted but it was a problem as well...with that many program, which one do I pick? My mom really wanted me to go into education...but for myself, I knew design was right for me.
There was a lot of whispering, people talking behind my back after I had picked design. My grandma, my aunts, uncles thought it was a wrong choice, simply because it was art. They thought I wouldn't make a living out of it, nor would I be able to succeed. But thank God for my parents, they stood by me and believed in me.
I stepped into my first year at York/Sheridan design full of zeal, but soon after I realized how little did I know about design. I knew basically...nothing. I almost failed first year. Nothing was going well for me first year. I had so much trouble even though I worked extremely hard. I began to ask God if I had made a mistake. I knew I was supposed to be in design, but I was very shaken up that I needed a confirmation. I needed to know for sure without a doubt. I prayed extremely hard and God answered my prayer.
Every year, our church would go to a Youth conference in May. That year specifically I asked God to show me my destiny. I desperately needed to know. During the conference, one of the session talked about calling and destiny. I listened attentively to the speaker. At the end of his preaching, he prayed for people's calling and destiny. In my heart I told God, "Lord, this is it, You've GOT to tell me. Let me know what it is. I KNOW You are speaking to me." The pastor told us to pray as he speaks out different careers and positions and stand up if you know it's you. We bowed our hearts, and he started praying and prophesying. He started speaking out different work positions-doctors, missionaries, lawyers... As he named these positions, my heart pounded so fast, and I prayed desperately, "God, please say it..please...". Then all of a sudden the pastor said "graphic design". Without even thinking, I jumped up automatically, my whole body started sweating and tears came falling down like a waterfall. I will never forget that moment. I was so sure that that was it. I am called to be a graphic designer.
Ever since that day, everything changed. How did it change? Find out in my next blog :P That's when God paved the way for my career path...til this day, with opportunities, favors, and much more.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
going home
i've been thinking about this a lot. i am still not sure...but i think i will be..going home. am i becoming better? not quite. are my parents' relationship better? somewhat. will there be arguments? for sure. is my relationship with my mom better? definitely. i think that's what i want the most. i can give up any relationship with other people but i can't toss away my relationship with my mom. she has her problems, and so does everyone else...just mebbe hers is harder to deal with. regardless how she is, i still want to be with her. when i think about her each time, it makes me want to cry. she and dad are the only people will will always accept me and love me no matter how i am. i understand how much she misses me, and how much she wants to be with me, see me everyday, know everything about me. she wants to know is because she cares, she loves. i think i have understand more of a mother's heart for her child. she has a lot of flaws, and so do i. but if she can accept me, accept my past, looks forward to my future, i want to do the same.
no one can ever love me more than my family does. no one.
no one can ever love me more than my family does. no one.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
success = trust in God
"Solomon wants us to understand the only way to accomplish true success is to trust God and to get into His plan. Solomon uses the word commit which means to deliberately put into action or to entrust. In other words, Solomon deliberately or purposefully made a decision, and then, took action to entrust himself into God's capable hands. Solomon learned when he put his faith, trust or confidence in God's plans that somehow his personal thoughts regarding a subject were soon changed to agree with God's plans and thoughts. Why would this be important? God cannot fil, so when Solomon's thoughts, which produced actions, came into agreement with God's plan, it automatically assured him that he would achieve success, as well."
Friday, June 20, 2008
i've had a wonderful day today, despite the quietness in the studio. I kinda like that at times. It was in a good pace. the breakfast i had this morning was fantastic because i had some yummy dip with bread sticks. i was able to spend some time to do some training work, which was inspiring in a slow afternoon. had a great lunch with helena and keri for fe. after work, i walked around eatons for a bit, trying on clothes that i didn't buy. i looked good in a lot of the clothes i tried on and i told myself one of these days i will be able to get these, but not right now. But tryin it on and feeling pretty was good. i enjoyed that. after that i went to fairview to visit my brother at starbucks. it was nice to see him working there. he's growing up so fast, before i know it, he will be done school. as i watched him learning how to make drinks, it reminded me of my first paid job at McD's...being the fries girl, then working as the cashier and working long hard hours. it all started at McD's. My brother is now stepping into the real world...working at starbucks, help re-building planes at a museum...i am very proud of him. he's not my baby brother anymore; he's grown up a lot.
i walked away from starbucks with a frappacino in hand, sipped it as i walked home. it was very relaxing. i cooked one of the longest meal today since i moved out. it took over an hour, but it was fun. i tried making the malaysian noodles and chicken legs. i must say the noodles wasn't as good as i thought it would be....but the chicken legs was delicious. so tender and juicy. heh, really proud of myself.
i was thinking today, for a period of time, i think i was trying too hard to "do something more interesting" with my life. i think what i am missing is enjoying the details in life and appreciate every minute of it. i rush through it without thinking about how much i enjoy this or that. i don't need to look too far. i need to spend the time and take the time to just enjoy the moment...like right now, taking the time to think about what i want to write, how things have been...it's these details in life that makes life fulfilling and enjoyable. it's not how many great things i can accomplish, but the little pieces that puts a day together, and from each day to a year, and eventually a lifetime. this is one part where it makes like inspiring-making each day/moment count.
i walked away from starbucks with a frappacino in hand, sipped it as i walked home. it was very relaxing. i cooked one of the longest meal today since i moved out. it took over an hour, but it was fun. i tried making the malaysian noodles and chicken legs. i must say the noodles wasn't as good as i thought it would be....but the chicken legs was delicious. so tender and juicy. heh, really proud of myself.
i was thinking today, for a period of time, i think i was trying too hard to "do something more interesting" with my life. i think what i am missing is enjoying the details in life and appreciate every minute of it. i rush through it without thinking about how much i enjoy this or that. i don't need to look too far. i need to spend the time and take the time to just enjoy the moment...like right now, taking the time to think about what i want to write, how things have been...it's these details in life that makes life fulfilling and enjoyable. it's not how many great things i can accomplish, but the little pieces that puts a day together, and from each day to a year, and eventually a lifetime. this is one part where it makes like inspiring-making each day/moment count.
Friday, May 23, 2008
"I've been drawing and painting since I was a child. I guess that once I got a little older, I began to think I was good at it. I enjoyed it, too. I remember working on this painting that summer, adding to it everyday, changing it as our relationship changed. I don't even remember how it started or what I wanted it to be, but somehow it evolved into this. I remember being unable to stop painting after I went home that summer. I think it was my way of avoiding the pain I was going through. Anyway, I ended up majoring in art in college because it was something I had to do; I remember spending hours in the studio all by myself and enjoying every minute. I loved the freedom I felt when I created, the way it made me feel inside to make something beautiful. Just before I graduated, my professor, who happened to also be the critic for the paper, told me I had a lot of talent. He told me I should try my luck as an artist. But I didn't listen to him."
She stopped there, gathering her thoughts.
"My parents didn't think it was proper for someone like me to paint for a living. I just stop after a while. I haven't touched a brush in years."
She stared at the painting.
"Do you think you'll ever paint again?"
"I'm not sure if I can anymore. It's been a long time."
"You can still do it, Allie. I know you can. You have a talent that comes from inside you, from your heart, not from your fingers. What you have can't ever go away. It's what other people only dream about. You're an artist, Allie."
The words were spoken with such sincerity that she knew he wasn't saying it just to be nice. He truly believed in her ability, and for some reason that meant more to her than she expected. But something else happened then, something even more powerful.
I feel connected to this passage of the book in some ways. Even though those words are spoken to Allie and not to me, but it has gone beyond her. I can imagine when I can't design any more or feel like I've lost my passion for that moment, those words are spoken to me. Those words bring me to believe in myself and my ability again. It's a confirmation of ability when there is uncertainty. Those are comforting words.
On this note, I haven't read a fiction in a long time. Probably the only fiction I've read during these few years is Tuesday with Morrie. I've forgotten how much I can indulge myself in a book. The other day I saw Keri reading a book by Nicholas Sparks and we had a discussion about his books. I've heard that "The Notebook" is good but have never really got around in reading the book or seeing the movie. I've decided to borrow it from Keri. I've been reading mostly self-help biblical based books. This is a nice change. It's one of those things where I can stay up, wanting to read it.
She stopped there, gathering her thoughts.
"My parents didn't think it was proper for someone like me to paint for a living. I just stop after a while. I haven't touched a brush in years."
She stared at the painting.
"Do you think you'll ever paint again?"
"I'm not sure if I can anymore. It's been a long time."
"You can still do it, Allie. I know you can. You have a talent that comes from inside you, from your heart, not from your fingers. What you have can't ever go away. It's what other people only dream about. You're an artist, Allie."
The words were spoken with such sincerity that she knew he wasn't saying it just to be nice. He truly believed in her ability, and for some reason that meant more to her than she expected. But something else happened then, something even more powerful.
I feel connected to this passage of the book in some ways. Even though those words are spoken to Allie and not to me, but it has gone beyond her. I can imagine when I can't design any more or feel like I've lost my passion for that moment, those words are spoken to me. Those words bring me to believe in myself and my ability again. It's a confirmation of ability when there is uncertainty. Those are comforting words.
On this note, I haven't read a fiction in a long time. Probably the only fiction I've read during these few years is Tuesday with Morrie. I've forgotten how much I can indulge myself in a book. The other day I saw Keri reading a book by Nicholas Sparks and we had a discussion about his books. I've heard that "The Notebook" is good but have never really got around in reading the book or seeing the movie. I've decided to borrow it from Keri. I've been reading mostly self-help biblical based books. This is a nice change. It's one of those things where I can stay up, wanting to read it.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
i don't know why i feel like im drifting through space today. There seems to be a lot on my mind, but I don't exactly know what. I just feel like i'm in a daze, staring blankly at things at times. It could be because I am thinking about what I want to do with this season of life. There's been so many things going on..this meeting, that meeting, running around getting things done. I don't know where the day's gone. By the time I'm having some free time, I just want to sit and do nothing. Where's that spark in life gone? I feel drained. Maybe I will go for a run on Thursday.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
as we were at pastor's place for dinner, we shared about how we have been doing for the past few months, and where do we think God is taking us. Honestly, I don't know at this point. Like the comic, I was so ready to go change the world, make a difference with the talent that I have. I mean, I know I want to
to be continued..
to be continued..
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
my enjoyment of life
Karen enjoys...
• a heart to heart conversation
• looking through her packages collection
• looking through pictures because it brings back memories
• walking under the spring sun
• taking a long shower or bath
• going through her "p-box"
• star gazing
• chilling with good tunes under dimmed light
• being told how much she is loved
• a hearty laugh
• lame jokes
• playing the piano
• watching Patrick eat something I've cooked
• a stroll along the beach
• a heart to heart conversation
• looking through her packages collection
• looking through pictures because it brings back memories
• walking under the spring sun
• taking a long shower or bath
• going through her "p-box"
• star gazing
• chilling with good tunes under dimmed light
• being told how much she is loved
• a hearty laugh
• lame jokes
• playing the piano
• watching Patrick eat something I've cooked
• a stroll along the beach
Monday, May 5, 2008
unconditional
i want to enjoy everything i do. sometimes certain things may not be something i LOVE to do (ie. gardening), but making the best out of it and just enjoy it makes life all the more wonderful and meaningful.
i didn't really feel like gardening yesterday at all coz i didn't feel so well...and gardening was such a hassle. But I thought the weather is beautiful and get to spend some daughter/mother time together, why not? When we were done, i felt great :) i enjoyed the process.
im enjoying my life one day at a time. i still have goals and dreams, but i want to enjoy the process of getting there as well. for a season, i felt like i was really lost in who i am, but i think i am finding myself again. a person who's happy, positive, confident and love life.
Could you love life unconditionally? Yah i can love life unconditionally.
on a side note, when pastor mentioned about Africa yesterday, my heart leaped forward. I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way, but something inside me gets stirred up. i pray that God can show me what is on His mind. Is there a reason why i feel attached to this place?
i didn't really feel like gardening yesterday at all coz i didn't feel so well...and gardening was such a hassle. But I thought the weather is beautiful and get to spend some daughter/mother time together, why not? When we were done, i felt great :) i enjoyed the process.
im enjoying my life one day at a time. i still have goals and dreams, but i want to enjoy the process of getting there as well. for a season, i felt like i was really lost in who i am, but i think i am finding myself again. a person who's happy, positive, confident and love life.
Could you love life unconditionally? Yah i can love life unconditionally.
on a side note, when pastor mentioned about Africa yesterday, my heart leaped forward. I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way, but something inside me gets stirred up. i pray that God can show me what is on His mind. Is there a reason why i feel attached to this place?
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