Friday, May 23, 2008

"I've been drawing and painting since I was a child. I guess that once I got a little older, I began to think I was good at it. I enjoyed it, too. I remember working on this painting that summer, adding to it everyday, changing it as our relationship changed. I don't even remember how it started or what I wanted it to be, but somehow it evolved into this. I remember being unable to stop painting after I went home that summer. I think it was my way of avoiding the pain I was going through. Anyway, I ended up majoring in art in college because it was something I had to do; I remember spending hours in the studio all by myself and enjoying every minute. I loved the freedom I felt when I created, the way it made me feel inside to make something beautiful. Just before I graduated, my professor, who happened to also be the critic for the paper, told me I had a lot of talent. He told me I should try my luck as an artist. But I didn't listen to him."
She stopped there, gathering her thoughts.
"My parents didn't think it was proper for someone like me to paint for a living. I just stop after a while. I haven't touched a brush in years."
She stared at the painting.
"Do you think you'll ever paint again?"
"I'm not sure if I can anymore. It's been a long time."
"You can still do it, Allie. I know you can. You have a talent that comes from inside you, from your heart, not from your fingers. What you have can't ever go away. It's what other people only dream about. You're an artist, Allie."
The words were spoken with such sincerity that she knew he wasn't saying it just to be nice. He truly believed in her ability, and for some reason that meant more to her than she expected. But something else happened then, something even more powerful.

I feel connected to this passage of the book in some ways. Even though those words are spoken to Allie and not to me, but it has gone beyond her. I can imagine when I can't design any more or feel like I've lost my passion for that moment, those words are spoken to me. Those words bring me to believe in myself and my ability again. It's a confirmation of ability when there is uncertainty. Those are comforting words.

On this note, I haven't read a fiction in a long time. Probably the only fiction I've read during these few years is Tuesday with Morrie. I've forgotten how much I can indulge myself in a book. The other day I saw Keri reading a book by Nicholas Sparks and we had a discussion about his books. I've heard that "The Notebook" is good but have never really got around in reading the book or seeing the movie. I've decided to borrow it from Keri. I've been reading mostly self-help biblical based books. This is a nice change. It's one of those things where I can stay up, wanting to read it.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

i don't know why i feel like im drifting through space today. There seems to be a lot on my mind, but I don't exactly know what. I just feel like i'm in a daze, staring blankly at things at times. It could be because I am thinking about what I want to do with this season of life. There's been so many things going on..this meeting, that meeting, running around getting things done. I don't know where the day's gone. By the time I'm having some free time, I just want to sit and do nothing. Where's that spark in life gone? I feel drained. Maybe I will go for a run on Thursday.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

as we were at pastor's place for dinner, we shared about how we have been doing for the past few months, and where do we think God is taking us. Honestly, I don't know at this point. Like the comic, I was so ready to go change the world, make a difference with the talent that I have. I mean, I know I want to

to be continued..

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

my enjoyment of life

Karen enjoys...

• a heart to heart conversation
• looking through her packages collection
• looking through pictures because it brings back memories
• walking under the spring sun
• taking a long shower or bath
• going through her "p-box"
• star gazing
• chilling with good tunes under dimmed light
• being told how much she is loved
• a hearty laugh
• lame jokes
• playing the piano
• watching Patrick eat something I've cooked
• a stroll along the beach

Monday, May 5, 2008


i want to enjoy everything i do. sometimes certain things may not be something i LOVE to do (ie. gardening), but making the best out of it and just enjoy it makes life all the more wonderful and meaningful.
i didn't really feel like gardening yesterday at all coz i didn't feel so well...and gardening was such a hassle. But I thought the weather is beautiful and get to spend some daughter/mother time together, why not? When we were done, i felt great :) i enjoyed the process.
im enjoying my life one day at a time. i still have goals and dreams, but i want to enjoy the process of getting there as well. for a season, i felt like i was really lost in who i am, but i think i am finding myself again. a person who's happy, positive, confident and love life.

Could you love life unconditionally? Yah i can love life unconditionally.

on a side note, when pastor mentioned about Africa yesterday, my heart leaped forward. I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way, but something inside me gets stirred up. i pray that God can show me what is on His mind. Is there a reason why i feel attached to this place?

Thursday, May 1, 2008

you are back from new york :) even tho it's only been a few days, but i missed you. i thot about you often. it's just isn't the same when i cant hear your voice

ooo and u just called and got to hear your seeweeett voice :) im so proud of you. now not only bobby did a great job, you did it as well :) each time when you tell me you are going somewhere to see a client, it puts a smile on my face. It's not because you are away of course, but because you are given another opportunity to experience and excel. i take pride in it even tho it's not me that's going. i feel privileged to take part in this journey with you. i know i've sed it many times already, but i want to say it again, i'm very proud of you that you've grown from a developer to a newbie in SE and now given more opportunities to go else where to meet with clients. :)

of late, even tho u've been pretty busy with work and we haven't been able to talk as much as we did before, i feel that we are closer. im not too sure you feel the same?