Saturday, January 26, 2008

i've found a place and probably be moving in next weekend. i cant say i am excited about it. it's such a big many things i need to adapt many things i have to take care of myself. i know i have friends and bros & sis who will be helping me...but mentally, emotionally...i am drained. i have so many things on my mind...i dun even know where to begin. finding a place wasnt hard...but now telling my mom about it is the most difficult part. i dunno how to or what to say. as i am typing this, i feel a knot in my stomach and literally feel my stomach cramp coming. prayers, encouragements help...but i am still the one facing it...i still need to face her reaction. it may not be as bad as i think it will be...but in this's better to be prepared for what could happen.

im moving the necessities to my dad's office tm morning, just in case my mom goes insane on me when i tell her about it and stop me from moving.

i am scared...i reallie am. but if i dun step out of it i will always be in this kind of environment and i will be more and more like my mom without realizing it.

i am glad i saw u the other day and was able to tell u about it. i felt better after telling you about it. knowing that i have your support keeps me stronger. i wish u would be here, but i guess it's not possible because of the break...but i know u are praying for me. i need all the prayers that u can offer.

Friday, January 18, 2008


there is a lot on my mind...and i find myself writing in here again. i dunno if i would want to read it again...or even post it. but i guess from time to time i have too much on my mind..and just need to write it down. there were times when i finished typing the whole post..but ended up deleting it. i guess because it's served its purpose-putting my thoughts somewhere else. it may just be lost in thin air...but it is still somewhere. i wonder it will be the same this time. it's not hard to just hit the "publish post" button...but i guess i just have my way of thinking. it may not be normal..but it's me.

so many things have happened of late. there are so many decisions to decide what to do. they are not little things...each decision i make affects my future. sometimes i just want to back away and not have to think about it...but it's there waiting for me to respond. im afraid to respond. at times i feel like i am strong enough to do it...but there were definitely times when i wish i could just share all these feelings and thoughts with someone...someone who'd look at me and tell me it's going to be alright.

there are things that are about to change. not just something minor...but it will be a drastic change. i am afraid that im gonna make a wrong decision. i dunno...i dunno. whatever the decision is...the goal is to find the better me...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

im a right-brainer

go here to take the test:

Thank you for taking the Creativity Test. The results show your brain dominance as being:

Left Brain 41%
Right Brain 58%

You are more right-brained than left-brained. The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the "whole" picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the "whole" picture. Your thought process can appear quite illogical and meandering. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. The routes taken to arrive at your conclusions are completely opposite to what a left-brained person would be accustomed. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music. Some occupations usually held by a right-brained person are forest ranger, athlete, beautician, actor/actress, craftsman, and artist.

Your left brain/right brain percentage was calculated by combining the individual scores of each half's sub-categories. They are as follows:

Your Left Brain Percentages
40% Reality-based (Your most dominant characteristic)
32% Linear
20% Verbal
17% Symbolic
9% Sequential
9% Logical (Your least dominant characteristic)

Your Right Brain Percentages
55% Concrete (Your most dominant characteristic)
40% Fantasy-oriented
24% Intuitive
23% Random
13% Nonverbal
12% Holistic (Your least dominant characteristic)

What Do These Percentages Mean?

Low percentages are common in the Brain Type Test and are not indicative of intelligence. Instead, medium to high scores (30 - 50%) are desireable, as they show an ability to utilize a processing method without an abnormal reliance on it. Special focus should be paid to highly dominant (50% or above) or highly recessive (0 - 30%) methods, as they tend to limit your approach when learning, memorizing, or solving problems.

If you have Highly Dominant characteristics, your normal thinking patterns will naturally utilize these methods. Conscious effort is required to recognize the benefits of other techniques. Using multiple forms of information processing is the best way to fully understand complex issues and become a balanced thinker.

If you have Highly Recessive characteristics, your normal thinking patterns naturally ignore these methods. You may only consider these under-utilized techniques when "all else fails," or possibly not at all. It is important to recognize the benefits of all of your brain's capabilities in order to become a balanced thinker.

Left Brain Categories

Reality-based Processing

Reality-based processing is used by the left hemisphere as a method for processing information with a basis on reality. This processing tool focuses on rules and regulations. An example of this would be how a left-brained person would completely understand the repercussions of turning in a late assignment or failing a test. A left-brained person also usually easily adjusts to changes in their environment.

Your Reality-based Analysis

You process information with a basis in reality, but are not limited to it. You may recognize the repercussions of you actions, but proceed to do something anyway, in the heat of the moment. You can complete projects to whice you are emotionally attached as well as random tasks.

Linear Processing

Linear processing is a method by the left hemisphere to process information. In this process, the left brain takes pieces of information, lines them up, and proceeds to arrange them into an order from which it may draw a conclusion. The information is processed from parts to a whole in a straight, forward, and logical progression.

Your Linear Analysis

When processing information using this method, you will occasionally feel the need to see the "whole picture" before you are able to achieve results. At other times, you are able to piece all of the parts together in a straight and logical progression to form a whole, which then enables you to understand what you have processing. The information, your mood, and your level of comfortable are all factors that determine your response to a linear processing problem.

Verbal Processing

Verbal processing is a method used by the left hemisphere to process our thoughts and ideas with words. For example, through verbal processing, a left-brained person giving directions may say, "From this point continue east for two miles and turn north onto Bellevue Road. Continue north on Bellevue Road for seven miles and turn west on Main Street". With verbal processing, exact, logical directions are given in a very sequential manner compared to a right-brained person who, in giving the same directions, would use more visual landmarks.

Your Verbal Analysis

You are not a verbal person. When you process your thoughts, you tend to use very few words, preferring instead to illustrate a problem or solution. You often find yourself in situations where it is hard for you to "find the right words." Upon reading or hearing new information, you must first create a "mental video" before you can process and understand the information of your thoughts. For example, when giving directions, you probably use many gestures with your hands such as pointing and leaning, and also refer to visual structures such as "a McDonalds" or "the big tree" instead of street names or exact mileage.

Symbolic Processing

Symbolic processing is a method associated with the left hemisphere that is used for processing the information of pictures and symbols. The majority of functions associated with academics involve symbols such as letters, words, and mathematical notations. This process is what aids you to excel in tasks such as linguistics, mathematics, and memorizing vocabulary words and mathematical formulas.

Your Symbolic Analysis

You have difficulty processing the information of symbols, and would rather see the real object in order to understand. You probably hated algebra. For example, if solving a math problem, you need to "draw out" the problem to understand and solve it. You rely on the visualization of real objects instead of their symbols. Tasks such as memorizing vocabulary words or mathematical formulas are more difficult for you.

Sequential Processing

Sequential processing is a method used by the left hemisphere for processing information. The information that is received is processed in order from first to last. Information is processed in a systematic, logical manner. Through sequential processing, you can interpret and produce symbolic information such as language, mathematics, abstraction, and reasoning. This process is used to store memory in a language format. Activities that require sequential processing include spelling, making a "to-do" list, and many aspects of organization.

Your Sequential Analysis

You tend process information you receive without any priority as to which is processed first, last, or any place in between. It is difficult for you to learn or perform tasks involving sequence. For example, spelling is a task that involves sequence and you may experience problems remembering exact spelling or any type of rote memorization, for that matter. Creating daily lists and plans are probably not activities you enjoy. If you are having problems with tasks involving sequence, there are methods you can use to improve your skills. One method involves using colors to learn sequence. You assign a color to each task. For example, you may want to make the first step green, the second step blue, and the last step red. This helps because the right side of the brain, your dominant side in this case, is sensitive to colors. The important thing to remember is that consistently using the same sequence will help you both improve and recognize that this strategy can be used in many different circumstances involving sequence.

Logical Processing

Logical processing is a method that is used by the left hemisphere to take information piece by piece and put it all together to form a logical answer. When information is received through reading or listening, the left hemisphere will look for different bits of information that will allow it to produce a logical conclusion. This aspect of the left hemisphere is what aids you in solving math problems and science experiments.

Your Logical Analysis

Logical processing is not one of your strengths, so you may tend to rely on a "gut" feeling to help you make your decisions from the information you have received. For example, you will often choose an answer on a test because it "feels" right, and you may be correct. This is due to the fact of your tendency to look for the whole picture but not the details that create it. You can often start with the answer and work your way back to allow yourself to see the process and parts that create the whole. You may find math problems and science experiments difficult because of this.

Right Brain Categories

Concrete Processing

Concrete processing is a method associated with the right hemisphere that is used for processing things that can be seen or touched. It processes much of the information you receive from real objects. For example, a right-brained person is not just satisfied that a mathematical formula may work, but will want to know why it works. A strongly concrete person often finds it easier to solve a mathematical problem by "drawing it out" because it allows them to visualize it. The more a concrete person can visualize something the easier it is for them to understand it.

Your Concrete Analysis

You are strong in concrete processing. When you process information about things that can be seen or touched you show great comfort. But when contemplating something without concrete form, you may have difficulty, and attempt to understand what is trying to be processed in visual terms. For example, if solving a math problem, it would help you to "draw out" the problem and visualize it. Only after visualization, would you feel comfortable solving it.

Fantasy-oriented Processing

Fantasy-oriented processing is used by the right hemisphere as a method for processing information with creativity. It focuses much less on rules and regulations than the processing method of a left-brained person. Due to the fantasy-oriented processing mechanism of a right-brained person, they do not adjust well to change. Instead of adapting to the change in the environment, a right-brained person attempts to change it back to the way they liked it. But fantasy-oriented processing also provides the advantage of creativity to right-brained individuals, and since emotion is integral of the right side of the brain, anything a fantasy-oriented person becomes involved in emotionally will aid their ability to learn.

Your Fantasy-oriented Analysis

You have the ability to use both creativity and reality to process the information you receive. This is a unique gift that allows you to both focus on rules and regulations but to also act with creativity. You are able to adjusting to change, even though you might not like it, and you can become emotionally involved in your work if it interests you.

Intuitive Processing

Intuitive processing is a method that is used by the right hemisphere to process information based on if it "feels" right or not. For example, a right-brained person may choose an answer on a test because they had a "gut" feeling and often they will be correct. Another example of this is how a right-brained person will know the correct answer to a math problem but will not understand the procedure of how they arrived at the correct answer. A right-brained person will usually have to start with the answer and work their way backwards in order to be able to see and understand the parts and process that create the whole.

Your Intuitive Analysis

When processing information, at times you are able to go with your "gut" instincts. At other times you may doubt your instincts, or prefer to put information together piece by piece to form your conclusion. You should be careful not to ignore your intuition, but at the same time do not solely rely on it.

Random Processing

Random processing is a method used by the right hemisphere for processing information. The information that is received is processed without priority. A right-brained person will usually jump from one task to another due to the random processing by their dominant right hemisphere. Random processing is, of course, the opposite of sequential processing therefore making it difficult for right-brained individuals to choose to learn in sequence. In order to overcome this, a right-brained person may want to attempt to learn sequence by using colors since the right hemisphere is sensitive to color. For example, you may want to associate the first step with green, the second step with blue, and the last step with red. Consistently using the same sequence will allow you to see that this strategy can be applied to many tasks involving sequence.

Your Random Analysis

You tend to not process data randomly, preferring instead to follow a systematic, logical order from first to last. You have difficulty making "leaps of logic" which prevents you from making unique discoveries, or adapt to change during your thinking process.

Nonverbal Processing

Nonverbal processing is a method used by the right hemisphere to process our thoughts with illustrations. Reliance on this method is why it is occasionally difficult for right-brained people to "find the right words" in certain situations. A right-brained person cannot just read or hear information and process it, but first must make a mental video to better understand the information they have received. For example, through nonverbal processing, a person giving directions may say, "Continue going straight until you see a big, red-brick courthouse. At the courthouse turn right, and go down that street for a couple of miles until you se a gray stone church which will be on your right. Straight across from the church is the road to the left you need to take." With nonverbal processing, the directions that are given are extremely visual compared to the exact, sequential directions that would be given by a left-brained person.

Your Nonverbal Analysis

You have little ability in nonverbal processing. When you process your thoughts and ideas you mainly use words instead of illustrations. For example, if you were giving directions you may say, "Continue traveling west for 3 miles and turn north at the intersection." You would give exact, logical directions in a very sequential manner.

Holistic Processing

Holistic processing is a method used by the right hemisphere to process information. The information is processed from whole to parts. A right-brained person, through holistic processing, is able to see the big picture first, but not the details that accompany it. A strongly holistic person may often find that prior to listening to a lecture given by an instructor, they must first read the chapter so that they better understand what the lecture is about. This function is also what provides to you your visual spatial skills. It also aids in tasks such as dancing and gymnastics. Through holistic processing, memory is stored in auditory, visual, and spatial modalities.

Your Holistic Analysis

You have difficulty seeing the whole picture, especially at the beginning of a project. You tend to process information you receive from its parts to its whole in a straight, progressive manner. When given a task, you tend to not bother asking "why," but instinctively are able to do it.

Friday, January 4, 2008

whiter than snow

i've rebaptized on new year's eve 2007. what a great way to start a new year with a new beginning, a new start. I'm happie that I did that. After the baptism it snowed that night til the next day. When I woke up on New year's day and looked out the window, i saw beautiful white fresh snow everywhere. Then this thought came to me, "You are now whiter than snow." i felt that it was Him speakin to me, telling me He's pleased and that He's giving me another chance.

I don't want to carry the burden and shame i've carried for so long. I don't want this burden to be my new beginning. I want to start afresh, walk with my head held high and in freedom. I want this freedom, this confidence in God to be my new beginning. i want an obedient and a willing heart to be my new beginning. i know this is just the beginning, but it's a good beginning, and it will remind me each day that i've given up my old self and is walking in His glory.

i'm excited and i want to know what's ahead. this is not gonna be an easy journey, but i know im off to a good start, and i will try my best to carry it on. :)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

I've been lookin' till my eyes are tired of lookin'
Listenin' till my ears are numb from listenin'
Prayin' till my knees are sore from kneelin' on the bedroom floor
I know that you know that my heart is achin'
I'm running out of tears and my will is breakin'
I don't think that I can carry the burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans,
Are slowly slippin' through my folded hands

So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do?
Cause everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go,
I'm gonna lay it down.

I've been walkin' through this world like I'm barely livin'
Buried in the doubt of this hole I've been diggin'
But You're pullin' me out
I'm finally breathin' in the open air
This room may be dark but I'm finally seein'
There's a new ray of hope, and now I'm believin'
That the past is past, and the future's beginning to look brighter now
Oh, cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
Oh what else can I do,
Cause everthing I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go,
I'm gonna lay it down