change

there is a lot on my mind...and i find myself writing in here again. i dunno if i would want to read it again...or even post it. but i guess from time to time i have too much on my mind..and just need to write it down. there were times when i finished typing the whole post..but ended up deleting it. i guess because it's served its purpose-putting my thoughts somewhere else. it may just be lost in thin air...but it is still somewhere. i wonder it will be the same this time. it's not hard to just hit the "publish post" button...but i guess i just have my way of thinking. it may not be normal..but it's me.

so many things have happened of late. there are so many decisions to make...to decide what to do. they are not little things...each decision i make affects my future. sometimes i just want to back away and not have to think about it...but it's there waiting for me to respond. im afraid to respond. at times i feel like i am strong enough to do it...but there were definitely times when i wish i could just share all these feelings and thoughts with someone...someone who'd look at me and tell me it's going to be alright.

there are things that are about to change. not just something minor...but it will be a drastic change. i am afraid that im gonna make a wrong decision. i dunno...i dunno. whatever the decision is...the goal is to find the better me...